Germany's Heart
by DoitsuLover
Summary: Ludwig is in a decaying world, one where he walks alone, fighting the undead menace that has taken the world and his reason to live. Trapped within his own mind, he travels on, finding survivors and pieces of his past.
1. Chapter 1

((Warning: This fanfiction contains violence, yaoi, and a little bit of smut. If you don't like any of the three I suggest you read something else because those three bits are central to my story. Sorry if I offend anyone or anything like that but, it is your choice to read this. I would love some comments and feedback; anything to make it better! This is the first draft and I'm working out the plot as I go (and I won't give away the ending) so don't ask for the end! Thanks for reading!))

_**Chapter One-Emptyness**_

Ludwig brushed a strand of blond hair away from his face and concentrated on the map he was trying to decipher; he needed to find clean water and soon. His lips were cracked from the sun and his normally fair skin had tinged brown but would soon turn red in the unforgiving sun. He turned northward, hoping that he had read the map right and would find the river that flowed through the outskirts of the small town he was now lost in.

He walked down the streets, trying to keep a brisk pace, and tried to turn off his mind. The rhythmic beats of his steps did part of it and his exhaustion did the rest. He wished he had Feliciano with him; he missed his old friend. The italian would have been great, albeit loud and sometimes annoying, company; he could always bring out the caring, protective side in Ludwig like no one else could. He smiled slightly and chuckled at a memory.

When he and Feli had first tried living together, Feli wanted to take over the cooking so Ludwig could work and concentrate on his hobby, clock making. Long story short, when he came home the italian had wrecked the kitchen in the process. He couldn't have been more angry nor happy; the full handmade meal was set out in the dining room but the kitchen was a complete mess. Flour on the counter where Feli had made pasta from scratch, spots of sauce on the stove and the sink full of pots and pans. Ludwig didn't know weather or not to yell at the italian or say thank you.

Feli had burst out of the kitchen, apron still on, and jumped at Ludwig. He had caught the young man in his arms and he had said, "Germany! Welcome home! I made pasta just for you and I know you always love what I cook. You used to beg to take home my food!" Ludwig had smiled widely at him and kissed his cheek then said, "Feli, thank you for all this." He hugged Feli close and held the italian for a long while, simply enjoying the love flowing from him for Ludwig as he wrapped his arms around him.

The memory faded away leaving a hollow, empty feeling in the german's heart. There was definitely an empty place in his heart for the italian; he missed him dearly. Everything about him, even the annoying parts. With a sigh and a slowing of step he continued on his path, lonely as ever.

The houses and apartments were empty; there was nothing he could find anymore but bodies and decay. The whole world had died and was decaying, the stench of it always rode on the wind. The buildings loomed over him, burnt out, abandoned or broken into. A soft breeze came up for a second, washing away the filthy smells surrounding Ludwig and replacing it with a simple clean smell that made him think of the past and how this had all began.

Ludwig and Feli had been on a visit to Alfred's home in America, they had soon after decided to visit Matthew after. The trip had been uneventful, for the most part. Feli got lost in New York for hours on end and Alfred and Ludwig had scoured the city looking for him. After hours of searching and having only sore feet and a staggering cab fare to get back to Alfred's, they found him inside a little hole in the wall chinese restaurant, surrounded by food and eating like crazy.

Both he and Alfred had gone inside and sat with the italian and asked him where he had been all day. Feli answered with a long story of getting separated in Times Square then wandering the city and mainly just shopping. As he talked, he brought out the bags that were under the table, rendered invisible by the tablecloth, and passed his purchases around the table. There was a Yankees baseball cap, a snow globe with the Statue of Liberty inside, mainly tourist crap but the last thing he pulled out stunned Ludwig to no end when he saw it.

It was a little, hand-carved, stone German Shepherd; his favorite animal and he had never really told Feli that. "Ludwig, this is for you. Keep it." he said as Ludwig tried to hand it back, "I thought of you when I saw it. So, this is just for you. It was supposed to be for your birthday but I'm a bit early aren't I?" Ludwig couldn't be more delighted with the little stone dog. From that day on he kept it with him as much as possible; he thought it his good luck charm.

He pulled the worn stone dog out of his coat pocket and gazed at it as he kept walking. The new instinct to keep moving was hard to ignore but it had saved his life many times. He kept looking at the dog and was barraged with memories; his and Feliciano's first encounter, their long friendship, and eventually, and most recently, a brief spat as lovers and roommates. The last had been some of the happiest days of his long life; finally having someone to confide in and to love but best of all, someone who loved him unconditionally. That is what he missed; that love he could give and receive from Feli.

Ludwig glanced around and checked that he was alone then, sat on the curb, drawing his legs up to his chest. His boots scraped loudly in the unnatural silence and his clothes rustled with his movements. His hitching breath was the loudest thing for miles; his emotions were finally getting the better of him. His tears fell upon his tattered sleeves and gloves, dampening them; he sat there for what seemed like hours and just cried. Screaming his grief, regret, and loneliness to the empty world**.**

**((~Doitsu))**


	2. Chapter 2

((Well, I've had a few people asking to continue this so, just for them, I'm going to keep going with this. I even got someone on here asking me to update this. Just, wow, I thought it wasn't very good but I guess I've been proved wrong. The same warning applies as last time and a new one is in effect; if you are allergic to feels, don't read this. Lots of love!))

Chapter 2-Loneliness

His journey continued on, solitary as ever, into the drying summer air. The smell of decay had become almost tangible in the stifling air; Ludwig walked, a bandana tied around his face, looking like an old western outlaw. "Just like in Alfred's Westerns." he thought, laughing a little at the thought. Alfred would have slapped a ten gallon hat on his head and declared him ready for a train heist. The distraction of his silliness and Feli's enthusiasm for the idea would be a welcome distraction. The smell was really getting to him, a moist, humid rotting odor that had soaked into his skin and hair. People had fought by the river, most likely a spat over the use and defense of the creek; they had died around and in the water, tainting it with their putrid corpses.

Ludwig sighed as he watched the seemingly clear water flow by him and wondered how long he would have to travel before he felt safe drinking the water. Unluckily for him the battle had not gone on by the creek or just across one side but, in the water itself. There seemed not to be a single body not touching the water.

A breeze blew from upriver, clean and fresh, Ludwig dared taking off the covering on his nose and mouth. He immediately regretted it; the breeze, weak to begin with, had died, leaving the bodies' stench to hit him full force. He bent double and vomited onto a young woman's body while his vision flickered and then collapsed in the grass, unconscious.

He dreamt, but did not know he was, and the dream was so real. He was home, not his house in his homeland, but his home with Feli. The room was dim, only lit with candles, scented with a light rose aroma rising from the petals strewn on the bed and floor. Feliciano was leading him by his hand into the room with a shy smile on his lips and a slight blush on his cheeks.

"I wanted tonight to be special, Ludwig. Something just for us to remember, even when we are apart." he said, tugging his arm gently but insistently until he came into the room fully. The stunned German had been standing in the door, blushing and trying to speak; he only made strangled sounds that made Feliciano smile.

He took Ludwig in his arms and held him close, waiting for him to respond. Ludwig blushed deeply but, was still touched by the whole thing; he understood Feli's feelings. Even if you live forever, one night can mean more than your whole existence.

He wrapped his arms around Feliciano, savoring the feeling with him, knowing one day this might be gone then he lifted Feli into his arms and kissed the surprised Italian on the lips. "Tonight it is only us, nothing else." he whispered. He added, hesitating because he had never said it before, "I love you, Feliciano. You are my whole world."

He carried the small Italian to the bed and left him there. He lay there, stunned at Ludwig's actions and words. Ludwig took off his own shirt and tossed it aside then stripped off Feliciano's shirt as well, again tossing it aside. He then lay next to Feli, chest to chest, holding him close; wanting desperately to make love with him but he wanted to wait, he wanted to remember this moment more than any in his life.

After a few moments of silence, Feli asked, "Are you not ready for this?" There was embarrassed hesitation in his voice that Ludwig hated. He took Feli in his arms and fervently kissed him. Showing him his answer, not telling him; the night continued, a confused passion of love and tenderness between the two lovers. Both of them remembered it the rest of their lives.

Through the night Feliciano lay cuddled at his side, Ludwig's arm wrapped around him protectively. The Italian slept hard, a happy smile on his lips, while Ludwig stayed up watching Feli for a few minutes and thought before going to sleep, "How can I live without him now?" while brushing hair out of Feli's face causing him to cling tighter to Ludwig. He slept peacefully through the night.

When Ludwig awoke, his bandana had fallen off and he had collapsed on top of the woman he had vomited on. Horrified after the gentle, tender dream, the scrambled as fast as he could away from where he had lain, almost screaming in terror as he went.

The woman had a soft complexion with long flowing hair. In life she had been beautiful, now, she lay half in the creek, covered in his thin vomit. Her dress was torn and stained, but pulled straight, as if with her last breath she wanted to fix it. Her hair, a mousy brown, was bound back by a white bandana, tied like she was going to do housework. An apron peeked out from beneath her, a dull, dirty gray. It was Elizaveta Héderváry, Miss Hungary.

She had a hand made bow in her hands, her quiver shattered some feet away. Ludwig kept staring at her body; he couldn't look away. Then saying a quiet goodbye he got up and kept walking on, his heart hard and his mind blank, striving to banish the look of pure fear on Elizaveta's face. The same one he had seen on Feliciano's months ago as he slipped away from Ludwig in the night.

~((Doitsu))


	3. Chapter 3-Pain

((Warning: contains yaoi, violence and the occasional smut. If you don't like it, don't read it. I'm glad people have been reading this and like it. This last chapter took much longer because I didn't know what to write for the longest time. So thanks for being patient! Also a thanks to my lovely editor Alex, the super fan-girl.))

Ludwig sat, miles above where the battle had taken place, his filthy feet soaking in the cooled river water as his canteen filled in the gentle current. He watched it bob up and down in the water, shiny from the water that covered it, and tried to get Elizaveta's face out of his mind. Her face was still frozen in a mask of fear and something else…Betrayal maybe? But he wasn't sure. The river water had bloated her face a little, the fight had not been long ago, and the heat had taken its toll.

He lay back and sighed quietly, wiggling his toes in the water, flinging little droplets of water onto his green trousers. He tried to think, and not to think. Nothing helped, he closed his eyes and let his mind wander; he thought of the past mainly, the future was too bleak to think about. He missed his home, the creature comforts within it, the security mainly, but the cleanliness and order he missed more. The chaos of the epidemic had really gotten to him.

His home was where he could relax and actually be himself. Where his strict rules of his world fell down and he could smile and laugh. Feli had really made it his home, the Italian stayed there a lot and only left when his country needed him which wasn't very often now. The chill of the clear creek water made Ludwig shiver and draw his feet up to his chest while a voice from behind him said, "Water's cold, is it not Mr. Germany?"

Ludwig jumped up, pulling his large hunting knife as he did, and faced the voice but he was too close to the river and fell backwards. He plunged into the icy water and he heard the voice laugh; Ludwig panicked, he wasn't a strong swimmer and Alfred and Feli had been teaching him. He floundered while the voice, very familiar now, still laughed at him with an almost maniacal note in it.

Finding his footing and rising out of the river water, soaked to the bone and now unarmed, he said, "Who are you?" He didn't even recognize his own voice, it was cracked and husky from his screaming and his voice had gone largely unused. With a note of amusement the voice, now a slender man with black hair and a shining pair of spectacles, said, "Do you not remember me, Mr. Germany? I am offended; if only I had my piano to show you my anger and disappointment of you."

Ludwig wiped his eyes and his blonde hair from his eyes and looked on a familiar face, Austria. He stood and stared then stomped out of the riverbed, picking up his knife and sheathing it as he went, while growling, "You could have helped me instead of laughing you know." Mr. Austria laughed again, "Ah, but where would the fun in that be, Mr. Germany? Here take my cloak; the sun is not strong enough to keep you warm in the trees." He held out a tattered leaf-green cloak to Ludwig, smiling.

Ludwig brushed his hand away and said, "I'll be fine. Do you know what happened to Elizaveta?" while grabbing his boots, now wet, and his canteen from the water. Mr. Austria scurried back against a tree as Ludwig tried to come closer. "Austria?" Ludwig asked, genuinely concerned about this skittish behavior. He had never acted like this; he was normally calm even under the worst pressure.

His face began to twitch and convulse; his face a mask of pure pain and struggle. Austria was slowly changing from pale to red, a contorted grin emerging from his lips. "Ludwig, you remember me?" a completely different voice issued from Austria's lips, it was rough and dark, nothing like the Austrian's slow, smooth measured tones. It spoke once more, "I'm the one the piano and the bitch kept locked up! Now they're both gone and this fool is weak! This body will stay mine."

It smiled widely for a few seconds then screamed and doubled over. Ludwig could only watch in horror, he'd only seen the Austrian a few times before like this. Austria had multiple personality disorder; he'd probably run out of his medication since the epidemic. Austria's face came up again, full of pain and sadness, and he whispered, "Kill me Ludwig. Please." This time he heard the Austrian's voice scream out in pain as the creature that had dwelled within him emerged again.

It cackled a madman's laugh and said, "I know you and what you did to Alfred and Feli! You killed them!" He started screaming the last phrase again and again with other unintelligible phrases like "She's gone now! Why do you fight? Death to the creature!" Ludwig watched as Austria, still screaming, climbed the tree he had his back on seconds ago and jumped from tree to tree all around him, screaming the whole while.

It dropped down from the trees on the far bank, a fine bow in his hands and a matching quiver on his back. "We stole his from her when we killed her. Strangling Elizaveta was the best idea I ever had! Her face and desperate pleas were well worth the effort. He couldn't handle it and sank into despair and I saw my chance! Now that you're here, I can kill you and destroy him completely!" It smoothly drew an arrow and drew it on the bow, pointing it directly at Ludwig's heart.

Austria let the arrow fly as Ludwig charged him, his hunting knife drawn, screaming as madly as he was. The arrow almost missed Ludwig; it dragged raggedly across his cheek leaving a long and deep scratch there. Seconds after he crashed into Austria, knocking the bow from his hand and crushed him beneath him driving the knife into his chest with a sickening wet crunch. Austria and it screamed with the same voice and it was Austria who spoke as his eyes glazed over, whispering with an effort, "I am finally alone and free. I will find him in hell, where I belong for my and his sins."

His final breaths were in Ludwig's arms; he didn't beg or even whimper, he just accepted death with his usual grace. Ludwig laid him in the grass, closed his eyes and stood, grimacing at the fresh blood on his shirt then continued on his journey without a backward glance.

((~Doitsu))


	4. Chapter 4-Memories

((This is the usual warning about violence, yaoi and smut. Head it or not, it is up to you. Glad to have people reading this and telling me that they would like more. It keeps me going. I apologise for the long delay between chapters. Thank you for reading!))

Ludwig kept following the river downstream, his canteens full to bursting, knowing the water running beside him was contaminated by the blood and bodies of his friends. He had left both as he passed by for the second time except for Miss Hungary; he cleaned her face where he had soiled it the previous day. It just seemed right to do that but after, he just left. No burial, no words of passing, nothing. He made camp that night, hoping to get some actual rest. The dead seemed to be avoiding him lately. Ludwig fancied that they could communicate and had told tales of their ferocious battles where he, the mad German, had always emerged victorious.

As Ludwig lay on the grass near the river, his small campfire provided far too much warmth, the air was stale and hot. He tossed some dirt on it, then rolled and faced the river to sleep. Feliciano was in Ludwig's dreams again that night; he was in his dreams almost every night. A lot of the times they just lay together on a beach watching the sunset. Neither of them said anything until right before the dream ended; Feli would whisper, "I'll always love you, Ludi. Always." It never failed to make his heart ache with loneliness and pain but he still loved the dream, the Italian's voice still sounded the same and everything was peaceful for a while. He missed Feli.

The morning was bright and what remained of the birds sang in the morning light. In a few hours it would get hot again. Ludwig washed out the cut across his face, hissing as the water from his canteens stung the cut. After, he tore part of his shirt and, once having cleaned in the river, he wrapped the strip of shirt around his head. The wound throbbed for a while then subsided. Ludwig walked on, headed toward the sea, thinking of life and what it had once been.

Three days after finding Feli in the Chinese restaurant, reports of the epidemic had begun in United States. He remembered listening to the American reporters, panicked voices saying calming phrases, trying to reassure the American people that nothing really was amiss. Ludwig found later that there had been a lot of government censorship then; Alfred didn't even know about it until the epidemic had become public knowledge. Ludwig and Feli would be leaving for Matthew's soon, sooner than planned anyway; they didn't want to be in Alfred's way if his country had to deal with something serious.

Alfred had insisted on accompanying them to Matthew's, saying, "Don't worry about it; my government can run without me for a week. They did fine when I disappeared for months in Japan." He was so light hearted and would not relent. They drove in Alfred's little car up to the Canadian border and were only let in because all three were countries. The borders had been closed except to dignitaries and immortal countries.

Feli had kept quiet the whole ride over, hours and hours of driving with only a single stop; Ludwig was worried about him. Maybe he had gotten sick or something. It took the trio the rest of the day to reach Matthew's cabin. After they had gotten into the woods, Feli began to talk again. Ludwig watched him and noticed him watching Alfred a lot. He wondered if this reminded Feli of when Rome disappeared. The trip to his cabin didn't take too long and the three relaxed and unwound with Matthew. He had heard of the epidemic too; being so close to America's borders had made him watchful.

He said, "W..why aren't you with your government, Alfred? Y...you could be a huge help to them." Alfred retorted, "They'll be just fine. No worries. I'm on vacation." He laughed and added, "I'm not a country now. I'm just Alfred F. Jones." He kept laughing and started coughing; Ludwig had been sitting next to him and saw that his hand had come away with fine dots of blood on it. Alfred saw that Ludwig had seen and said, "You know I'm fine. You were almost half dead in 1945; don't you start worrying about me now."

Ludwig rested near the creek that he knew he couldn't drink from anymore and thought about how, in times of crisis, countries reflected their people. The worse was in wartime; whole limbs could disappear or sight or something. After the war, Ludwig was missing his left leg. It was humiliating, not only being defeated but having to be pushed around to peace talks. Ludwig sighed, he remembered seeing Feliciano there. He was so scared, the first day he sat through the whole meeting shaking. The second day, he sat next to Ludwig. Although Ludwig could barely get to the restroom on his own, Feliciano still sought protection and comfort. This had made Ludwig so protective of him; he wanted to always comfort and protect Feliciano. Always.

((~Doitsu))


	5. Chapter 5-The Light

((Sorry if this chapter is kinda short. I'm moving out soon and have been a bit busy. I hope to get some feedback or suggestions for other pairings. (I'm thinking about a UsUk or something) Writing this for you guys has been the most fun I've had in a long time and I hope you guys really like it. I do it for you guys; the story would have stayed at the first chapter without you guys. I wish you happy reading!

I'd like to announce that I will be doing commissions! Not just Hetalia or anime. Ask for details on Skype: benistarke ))

Ludwig traveled on, alone as always, toward the sea. He didn't know what he would find there but, he thought it was the right thing to do. Feli would have called it a hunch. He walked on, weighted down by not only his pack but by a dark hole in his heart. He ignored it, it didn't hurt much now, it just felt heavy. It had appeared and only gotten heavier with time. He didn't know how to rid himself of it nor how to live without it. The truly troubling thing was that with every step he took, every breath he drew, it seemed to get a little heavier. The more he thought about it the more it seemed to weigh down on him greatly as if mere thought doubled its weight.

Attempting to distract himself he returned to Matthew's cabin again, maybe it could lessen the burden. Days had passed since Matthew had left to aid his country, Ludwig, Alfred and Feliciano stayed in the small mountain cabin, wasting each day away with silly things. Nothing occupied their time more than watching the news; it seemed like Alfred's whole country had fallen into a state of chaos. The president had died and various officials had been disappearing, the whole of his fragile government had been breaking up slowly. No one within the country has seen such confused chaos, such naked power grabs, and such open power abuse since the days of the American Civil war.

Alfred showed his country's strife in his face. His face was pale and sweaty with fever, his limbs grew weak and when he tried to do anything they began to shake violently.

Feliciano watched him almost constantly, and said often that they should take him to a hospital. Ludwig had retorted, "What can they do for him? He is immortal and won't heal unless his country does." His mood had worsened since Alfred had been taken ill; it reminded him far too much of himself and Feli after the war. Both had looked like the walking dead, and only improved as their countries slowly did. Feliciano fell quiet after this, he knew what pain it was to be like this, he had felt it himself, every time his land had gone to war in it's long history.

They stayed like this for weeks, Alfred getting worse and worse as the days went on and the other two helpless to do anything but keep him as comfortable as possible until Mattie could return. They knew he couldn't die unless his country completely descended into chaos and nothing was left of it besides the land. As long as there was some people left he would continue to exist but in a horrible state. Nothing could be done to help him but the rebuilding of his country.

Mathew had finally returned, two weeks after he had left, and told them that his country seemed to be safe, the winter had set in and it was slowly becoming colder and colder. "Th-the southernmost areas that share a border with you, Alfred, are what we are worried about. Your people are coming in droves and bringing the infection with them." he said, quietly to the still ailing man that had now taken over his bed and his room. The smell of sickness had seeped into the room and would not come out, no matter how long they left the windows open or burnt pine needles from around Matthew's home.

Matthew seemed to the most affected by this, he and Alfred had grown up as brothers. He was beside his bed the whole time and looked as if he was going to break down every time that he looked at him. Matthew grew quieter and quieter as the days rolled on and Alfred began to hallucinate; he didn't know any of them. matthew broke down in tears when Alfred looked him straight in the eye and said, "Who are you?" It seemed to hurt him more than anything, Ludwig still remembered the look in his eyes when Alfred had spoke. It still haunted him.

Ludwig sat beside the river that had now become his pathway and thought thoughts as swift as the water's flow. One right after another they assailed him, dragging him down lower and lower until Ludwig felt he was sitting in the dark earth, already dead and buried. He stayed in the cold earth, wanting for comfort and light while nothing came to save him. His heart stayed buried beneath the dirt, away from the light of day and away from where he could hurt it again. He buried it deeper within himself but the light that had been Feliciano kept showing his heart what it had missed out on in the months since they had parted ways.

It taught him that no matter how deep you decided to hide, nothing could save you from yourself.

((~Doitsu))


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